Declutter to Sell: Letting Go of Stuff Without Losing the Memories

Mary Anne Ivison  0:01  
The declutter queen with Avery Cundill,

Avery Cundill  0:06  
welcome back, everyone. We are moving along with our decluttering our homes for sale. Episodes, yep, there's one more in our first two episodes on this topic, we talked about the why? Why declutter our homes for sale? And then we talked about how to declutter our homes for sale so that they get sold fast. But today, we're going to go a little bit deeper. We are going to talk about the emotional weight, not only of selling our homes, but also of decluttering items that we've had for a long time, and how this can get tied up with emotion and it can be pretty tough. Decluttering isn't just a physical task, it is also very personal, and when it comes to our homes, there are often a lot of emotions at stake. Our homes, and the stuff in them are loaded with memories, time stamps, happy occasions, sad occasions. And sometimes these emotions can keep us stuck. Let me give you some examples, the dining room. So the dining room in your home, it may be the place where you had your children's birthday dinners, and because of that, you may attach a lot of emotions to this space and all of the things in it. It may be a place where your family gathered for holidays and special meals, emotions, memories, even though there might be a lot of things in that space that you can easily get rid of, sometimes these emotions make it tougher. Let's look at stuff. Okay, so moving out of our dining room to the rest of our home, that giant giraffe paper mache your child made in the second grade, it's fallen a few times, and even your own child detests it, still want to hold on to it. How about that old coat by the front door? You rarely wear it anymore, but each time you pass it, you are reminded of a winter walk you took with your parent years ago. Another item steeped with emotion. The list of examples can go on and on. We keep things out of fear of losing a memory, but the reality of this kind of keep is that it's not really sustainable. So how do you let go of the stuff without losing the memories. And this is where we get into that nitty gritty stuff that is sometimes difficult to talk about emotions. Let's understand the emotional ties we have to things. So it's totally normal to feel resistance when we are decluttering our home for sale. Remember, a house represents a lot a life chapter or possibly chapters. But it's important to know that emotions can keep us frozen, and then we procrastinate or make excuses as to why we cannot get rid of things, but remember clarity is on the other side of action, and once you get past that being stuck feeling there is a freeing feeling on the other side. It's important to remember that getting rid of some things, items, objects, does not mean we are throwing the memory away, or even the person, place or thing that the memory is attached to, far from it. Let me toss out some helpful tips on how to decide what to keep and what can be released. So you have a collection of VHS tapes from years ago. You rarely access them, and they are literally just taking up space, but something inside you has created a nostalgia about them. So here's a suggestion for you. Go through them and keep 10 of your absolute favorites. Find a smaller box and store them safely somewhere for safe keeping. Get rid of the. Rest, I promise you, VHS technology is not going to make a comeback. And also, these things are really taking up valuable storage space. They are not going to fetch you any money. So get rid of that. Sometimes people keep things they think they're valuable, trust me, most are not. And if you're unconvinced by this, do some research, and you will likely come up with the same answer. Another option is to take photos of some of these items and then get rid of them. Donate them. Give them away. Ask yourself, do these items need to come with me into my next chapter, or is it something I'm clinging to from my past? Now, let's try a shift in mindset. It's important to remember that you're not losing your memories. Rather, your memories will always be with you, and getting rid of things that no longer serve you anymore will actually create space for making new memories. Think of decluttering as preparing the stage for new stories and remember moving forward is part of honoring your past. Let's consider something else for a moment. Keeping your mindset in the past, with things from the past can actually create feelings of depression. It's important to acknowledge the past, but then move forward into the future. We may be holding on to things as a way of holding on to memories, but it's okay to move past these things into the present day and even the future, moving into this third stage of decluttering our homes for sale, I have called it emotional decluttering can be easy for some people. They can easily toss and cull and get rid of things from the past and not attach too many memories. They may be able to keep two or three things and toss the rest out without looking back. But for some people, the decision to emotionally let go is very difficult, so take your time and be realistic. If you are even able to get rid of some of these things, you are on the right track, and your new home will thank you. Also remember movers usually charge by the pound, as Ty Mitchell mentioned a few episodes ago. So do you really want to pay to have something move when you can gently let go of

Speaker 1  8:00  
it?

Avery Cundill  8:06  
So where to start, how to begin this week, tackle one emotionally charged area. It may be a memory box, a bookshelf, maybe one of your kids' rooms. Let yourself feel it. Then choose what supports your future. Try to remember that you're not just selling a home. You're stepping into a brand new adventure. You Eden and now with the declutter queen, I'd like to welcome Eden Steele to the show. Eden is a really good friend of mine and works in property management as her day job. And I know she's a very organized person, I often get many tips from her. So Eden, thank you so much for joining the declutter queen. Happy to have you.

Eden Steele  9:14  
Happy to be here

Avery Cundill  9:16  
today, though she's going to ask the question. I'm flipping the switch on her.

Eden Steele  9:19  
You know, it's funny, because I find myself to be organized. However, I do have a young adult still living at home. He has some issues with releasing items, let's just say, and I find it a real challenge to get him to clean drawers, go through closets, go through all his old stuff. Any suggestions there?

Avery Cundill  9:41  
Absolutely, I have lots of tips and tricks, and so I'll launch in a little bit. There's going to be some components to this that I want to touch on that are more of the why, and then I'm going to move to the how, sometimes the resistance. I'll. Call it to letting go of stuff is coming from an emotional place. And full disclosure, I just went through this with my young adult before I left. And even though he had moved out when I was moving provinces, he had a lot of stuff still in the house that needed to be dealt with. So I actually have a first hand approach it Aha. So he moved himself out and left all his stuff in garbage bags in a closet, and now it was the closet needed to be unloaded. One of the reasons why people in general have a resistance to letting go of their stuff comes from emotions. So it could be anxiety, it could be the fear of losing memories, it could be difficulty just making decisions. And there's other emotional layers that can come but a lot of it is this, I don't want to lose that memory that was a time in my life that I loved, and I want to keep these items they represent that they represent a certain version of myself. Oh yes, yes, it does. So I know, when I went through this with Jaden, my son, it was a lot of oh and oh and no, I need this. And I was wondering why he needed to keep 30 ultimate jerseys. And one of the reasons was these represented times of his life that he wanted to keep because of the memory of it. It's a positive memory, which is actually wonderful, but when we can recognize that it's a memory, not the item, there's other ways that we can preserve memories without having all of these physical items that are literally just taking up space. So that's kind of the why. And knowing that emotional layer, it's just for you to have. It's nothing I've never you don't talk about that. You don't go up to your young adult and say, I know why you're keeping everything. We're not playing armchair psychiatry here, but that's kind of why people in general tend to keep stuff. So the first strategy that I would give you in trying to help him is to sort of start from a positive position, you know. So it's like, hey, how do you want your room to look? And that's kind of dumbing it down. But it's more about when our goal becomes creating a space that currently matches your life, it feels a lot easier. So you have a vision, how do you want your room to look? And then all of this other stuff isn't really conducive to creating that look. So it's the positive position everybody wants to have a decluttered area. And so once you kind of wrap your head around that, that's kind of a good starting spot. What I suggest is to start with the least emotional categories. So it's like, let go of the childhood or, you know, school mementos for now, but try getting rid of things that are duplicates, broken, like things that just you're not using, non functional. Hey, do we still need this gone? Clothes that don't fit is an absolute one that I always tell people to start with. So that's just, it's not fitting anymore. I don't need it. And trust me, if you have you know a young adult or or individual in your house that likes to keep things, you're going to have a lot of success in those items, because, trust me, there's going to be a lot of broken, non functional duplicates expired, whatever that means, and you'll have some success. And then you're building some confidence in that. Oh, look at all the stuff I got rid of.

Eden Steele  13:53  
What do you do, though, when the room is looking good, but everything is jammed into a closet, like, How do you tackle something so big that seems overwhelming.

Avery Cundill  14:04  
Yes, we close the doors and we don't look at it, but it's it's time to that we open the closet. And so when it's jammed full of stuff, what I would suggest is, Okay, now we're getting into the stuff. So some of the stuff that I just talked about is definitely going to be in the closet, and so it's kind of a, it's a it's a slow process, but the keeping the memory not the item, is good. So it's about creating a way to keep the memory, not the item, and that's going to be personal. There's a lot of different techniques. So one of them is take a picture of the item, make a scrapbook of that. But as you're doing that, I don't really have a memory with that, you know. So there's like a secondary purge that happens with, Hey, let's keep the memory, not the item. The other suggestion, I would say, for a closet cram. Is use the temporary box method. So what that is is, okay, let's say you're going through these items and there's an unsure component. So what you have is this box, and those, I'm not sure items go into that box, and then you store that box somewhere out of sight, if in three or six months, you pull that box out and you can say, oh, none of this stuff, yeah, I could get rid of that. That gets rid of the box without having a, oh, the decision I have to make it right now. It's final. Once you kind of, like, start that movement of things to a this box is getting rid of soon, and you don't miss it, then there'll be, like more of an acceptance to getting rid of that stuff. The other suggestion about closet stuff is, is that you have to have a, maybe a containment rule. So instead of saying, get rid of things, it's let's have this shelf for this, or a single box for some keepsakes, one drawer, like you have containment. So you might have to go and buy, like, three nice containers and say, this is for when this is full. It's done when this is full, it's done when this is full. And you decide the fullness, maybe it's one for jerseys, one for notebooks, but that's the containment. So once that's full, the rest have to go. And often, when we do this, you look at some of them and go, Okay, I don't need this one. Once you're given sort of limits on how much you can keep, things start to get purged. But I would encourage you to really lean in on that temporary box method, because it helps to lessen the anxiety of getting rid of all my stuff. Oh, I'm going to put it here, and then eventually that box does disappear, because you've made a mini decision, I'm going to get rid of it. So whether it's in the room or a closet, it all gets pulled out. There's a lot of stuff in there. Some of it could have your son's stuff too, in there too. But yeah, I the dressers are the same thing, two dressers, jam packed. Do it? Drawer by drawer? Is that kind of your it's drawer by drawer. See, I wouldn't suggest going in full turkey with everything. I would make them small, manageable, bite sized sessions. So let's go through this drawer. And what I would also suggest is I'm going to help you organize your stuff. Is better than we need to get rid of everything. So I'm going to help you to organize means I've got this great system that we're going to have so you can actually like the stuff that you keep, you'll be able to look at in a way that makes sense. Now it's all shoved it sort of like your brain gets too stuffed once you start pulling things out. And the best thing to do is to pre buy those organizers. So what I would suggest is measuring in the closet. I think you said a lot of the stuff is in the closet. Measure the closet and say, I'm going to allow two shelves of stuff. And so the you know, maybe it's three boxes, maybe it's two boxes that you can put and have organized there so that you're already with the tools. When you start the project, and it's not getting rid of everything, it's getting rid of some things,

Eden Steele  18:28  
and that's the key, I think, mentioning that it's not everything.

Avery Cundill  18:32  
And the temporary box, Eden works really well. Here's a temporary box, whether it's an Amazon box that you've kept or something else where, I'm not sure goes in there. Let's revisit this in a couple weeks or a month and see, uh, yeah, because you kind of already got there. But it feels less final if you give them a chance to Okay, I got into step one. I think I can get rid of that stuff, but guising it in a way like I'm going to help you organize your stuff is better than we need to get rid of all your stuff, because, remember, the stuff is representing something else. It's not about keeping stuff. Because at the end of the day, you know, like I was just saying with my son, I pulled out all the all of the clothes, and I threw them on the floor, and I was like, O, M, G, like, what is this? And after he had touched and what's this, and he even had to try some of this stuff on, even though I knew it was from grade six, like, I was like, What? What? And at the end of it, he was like, just get rid of it. He kept, literally, maybe 10 items out of 300

Eden Steele  19:41  
but you had the benefit of having an impending move come. What do you do when there's no move happening? And how do I how do we get to that point? Small

Avery Cundill  19:53  
bites. So it's all small, manageable bites. So I would approach it in that i. Have gotten in these great organizing boxes. Can we go through your stuff together? Let's purge let's get rid of let's make some space for whatever he needs space for. Let's create this better situation for yourself that you're not crammed in with stuff, and when you do it in a way like I'm going to help you not I'm punishing you for having so much stuff. I'm going to help you have a better way to organize your things. Might be the right avenue in, because then there'll be a little bit more openness to, oh, we're just organizing my stuff in a better way. And then it becomes, hey, do we need this? Do we need this? Maybe we can do this with this stuff not starting in a I'm punishing you for having so much stuff starting in a way that let's do this together. Let's figure this out, and at the end, it's going to be easier for you. Do you feel like what I'm saying to you will fall on deaf ears, or there'll be a lot of resistance. Like, how do you feel? Do you feel you need a little more of a Okay, wait a sec, something else. Or do you feel that he could be open to it?

Eden Steele  21:11  
He could be open to it, because at this point there is no room in any dresser drawer. You open the door and everything comes tumbling out. So it does have to be addressed,

Avery Cundill  21:22  
as I'm thinking, you know, that's why we think and we shift. And so I would definitely approach this task with, let's organize your stuff. Organizing is the gateway to declutter. So let's pull it out. Let's figure out a better system here, because everything's falling out and it's not it's not practical. So once you started pulling stuff out, now you could be, hey, this is, this is torn. You see what I mean? You've got your you've got your way in. This is garbage. And you know, when he's not looking, doo. Doo, doo, doo. Sometimes when they're not looking is the best time they won't miss it. I know there's that anxiety of, I can't just throw it as stuff. You can trust me, they will not miss certain things, and you just end up with a little bag and, oh, look at how much clearer is. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. And what I always suggest is do one drawer at a time. Do one shelf at a time, because they're gonna not want it's too much. It's too much to start with the whole even though that's how I like to do it, just do it. Do it. Do it. It's too much. So it's little bites and say at the end, remember all you're trying to do is help them, not harm them by removing their stuff. Oh, we have a question from an audience member,

Matt Cundill  22:49  
yeah. The question is, what's the best way to sell this to a young adult?

Avery Cundill  22:53  
Let's think about this. How can we sell this idea? And you know your young adult better than me. How can we sell the idea? What's his passion right now,

Eden Steele  23:02  
I would say at this point he's looking towards starting working and he needs to change his wardrobe to be more professional he's going to be going out into the job front, so he probably needs to make room for things that he'll be newly acquiring.

Avery Cundill  23:21  
Bingo, yeah. So it's time to move on to that next stage. And there is a finite amount of space in his in his living space in your home, he has a finite amount of space. So let's try and sell the idea to him where, you know, we need to make space for more professional clothes. We need to make space for work related items. You need to turn this space into a professional space for yourself. You know, a lot of people have a day or two they're working from home. If he's working from home, what does he want his space to look like? So it's reinventing and then sometimes that notion will immediately catapult to them, like, I got to get rid of all this stuff. Let's do it.

Eden Steele  24:06  
I suppose too some things are of value. Could sell things, and maybe, you know, monetize what his possessions are. To declutter,

Avery Cundill  24:16  
true, and that is also a good way to sell it. Hey, sell it literally like, why don't you try and sell this and get some money? It's sitting in a closet. It has no purpose right now. You know, one of the things full disclosure, I was going through our mud room before we left, and Jaden had left 15 pairs of runners and cleats, ultimate cleats. And I was like, Whoa, when you leave something somewhere where you no longer live, it's probably a sign that you're not using those anymore. But also, I said to him, Hey, let's donate these, because there's a lot of kids out there who want to play ultimate and don't have them. Money to buy these cleats that you're so fortunate that you've collected in a mask through the years. What a great thing to say, oh, somebody else could really use that. I know, I know you're a young adult, and I know he's very compassionate, sensitive man. He that might appeal to him. Oh, somebody else might really benefit from this, something that is jammed in my closet. I think that the selling idea is, why don't we like change the dynamic of your living space? Because there's no question that opening up a jam drawer or opening up a closet and have things falling on you is not great for anybody, even people who like to keep stuff, it's just, it's too much. So it's that selling him the idea of, let's, let's do something down there. Let's make this more functional for you, so that you can breathe, so that you can create the space that you need and May and I think it's a really hands on with you approach, because you're really good at stuff like that. And I think there's a way to get in there to sell it so that now it becomes Okay, let's let's go. Let's go. Let's keep five, not 15. And I would encourage you measure, get some really good maybe it's two kind of in that containment space, two or four I'm visualizing a closet. That's why I'm doing this with my hands. But go and buy the organizers and have them on hand. Say, Hey, look what I got. Let's, let's go through some stuff and make this more practical. That's the other thing. Like you already, you've made an investment, so now it's time for him to invest

Eden Steele  26:40  
finding a time that's right for him. That's another thing you know, when is it the right time?

Avery Cundill  26:47  
There's no right time for him, but there's going to be a time where it works. And sometimes another thing that often works is is that you're donating your time to it. So you're saying, Hey, do you want to take like, 10 minutes and just go through some of some, some of this stuff that I've been thinking about. And so it's, I think it's manageable, because a lot of times people are like, that's why people don't Declutter. I don't have the time, but 1015 minute intervals works. Hey, let's just, do you have like, 1015 minutes? Everybody has 1015 minutes. Let's go through this, and you go through that, and then they might put her off. But you could say, Hey, do you mind if I goes to, you know, if I finish a little bit, and then you've extended it to 30 minutes, and then you have actually a reasonable session, and then you do it again. Hey, do you have 1015 they'll see the progress. They might even come to you and say, Hey, do you want to do a little more of that? Because it'll be like, Oh, that looks good. I like that. Let's go through it again. Okay, let's do it again. They might be asking you, I think the time

Eden Steele  27:58  
is a good thing, because they don't, they don't want to spend time doing anything, especially with their parents. No,

Avery Cundill  28:03  
they don't. But there's, I think there's a little bit of, you know, I always used to say whenever. So Jaden used to reorganize his room all the time, whatever. He liked to change where the furniture was and all this stuff, and then Asher would see it, and he would want to change his room. So I had two kids changing their room around, and I used to laugh at that, because it was, yeah, oh, that's a good idea. So sometimes when they see that you're doing it, it encourages them to do it, because they know, oh, look at how much better that looks like. You could even start with, Hey, I'm reorganizing the laundry room, for example, I've created this nice system. Oh yeah, I like that. I see that you can open closets and things aren't falling on you. Like teaching by example is still a great way, even as they move into adulthood, and I would really stress create a space that matches their current life. That's the goal. So the current life is this, but this is all not matching that anymore. It's just not and so let's move to that. And so suggestions of I was thinking we could blah, blah, blah, you know, like, fill in the dots. I was thinking we could turn this closet into more of a professional clothing, storing your electronic stuff, moving the space into a different dimension. And it actually helps you to shed that holding on that I can't get rid of anything feeling so it might actually soon as you get in i i would say he's gonna go with it. I hope so. Let's we got to make a move here. Well, let's make a move. And I would really appreciate. Appreciate some if we could follow up at some point, whether it's a phone call or another interview, that we can see if he's on board

Eden Steele  30:08  
well, and there's a good sense of accomplishment too. That's another thing. Once they they see progress, that accomplishment can be enticing to do it all over again.

Avery Cundill  30:19  
You know, you come from a yoga background, so when you're stuck in the past, they say, that's, you know, the seeds for unhappiness. The flip side is looking too far in the future, creates anxiety, so you kind of have to stay present. And that's why it's a really being present activity, getting rid of your stuff in the moment, you know, is or not even getting rid of but decluttering your stuff. Oh, wait this, I don't need that. It's just as simple as that. So I would stay very simple. So I'm going to give you two kind of to do's measure and find some nice organizers for the closet, but give yourself a limit. I'm not. I'm not filling the whole closet with them. I'm filling half. And then it's an approach where, hey, I was thinking we could go through some of this stuff so that we could create a better space for you. That's it. And leave it at that, and you'll see you're going to end up with bags and bags of garbage. I promise you, it happens so quickly.

Eden Steele  31:23  
And donations,

Speaker 1  31:24  
and

Avery Cundill  31:25  
donations, that's what I garbage donation kind of same kind of category.

Eden Steele  31:30  
Look forward to doing this.

Avery Cundill  31:32  
I think you should. It's exciting. It's gonna it's because you, you and I both know how good it feels when you get rid of stuff. And don't you want to just pass that feeling on to others?

Eden Steele  31:42  
Yes,

Avery Cundill  31:43  
1015 minutes. Eden, think of it as a 1015 minute a time.

Eden Steele  31:49  
Well, thank you.

Avery Cundill  31:50  
Thank you.

Mary Anne Ivison  31:53  
Thanks for listening to the declutter queen with Avery Cundill for more decluttering tips and tricks, go to the declutter queen.ca produced and distributed by the sound off media company you.